Can I keep the ashes of a loved one at home?

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The answer is a resounding yes. You absolutely can keep the ashes of a loved one at home, offering a deeply personal way to remember and honor their memory.

Introduction: Ashes and Remembrance

The passing of a loved one is a profoundly personal experience, and the ways in which we choose to remember them are equally individualized. For many, cremation has become a preferred alternative to traditional burial, offering greater flexibility in memorialization. A central question often arises: Can I keep the ashes of a loved one at home? The answer is a comforting yes, and choosing to do so is a common practice offering solace and a tangible connection to those who have passed. This article explores the legalities, benefits, and practical considerations surrounding keeping cremated remains at home.

The Legality of Keeping Ashes at Home

In most places across the United States and in many other countries, it is perfectly legal to keep cremated remains at home. There are typically no federal regulations prohibiting this practice. However, it’s always a good idea to check local and state laws, as regulations can vary slightly. Knowing your legal rights ensures peace of mind and allows you to focus on honoring your loved one’s memory in a way that feels right.

Benefits of Keeping Ashes at Home

Choosing to keep the ashes of a loved one at home offers numerous personal and emotional benefits:

Continuous Connection: Having the urn or a portion of the ashes in your home provides a constant, tangible connection to the deceased. It can be a source of comfort and a reminder of their presence in your life.
Personalized Memorialization: You have complete control over how you choose to display and honor the ashes. This allows for a truly personalized memorial that reflects the individual’s personality and interests.
Flexibility and Control: Keeping the ashes at home allows you to decide when and how to scatter, inter, or otherwise memorialize them, without being bound by cemetery restrictions or time constraints.
Cost Savings: Avoiding cemetery plot costs and interment fees can represent a significant financial saving.
Privacy and Intimacy: Your grief is a private experience. Keeping the ashes at home allows you to mourn and remember your loved one in the privacy and intimacy of your own space.

Creative Ways to Memorialize Ashes at Home

Beyond simply keeping the urn on a mantlepiece, there are numerous creative and meaningful ways to memorialize ashes at home:

Display the urn: Choose a beautiful urn that reflects the personality of the deceased. Place it in a prominent location in your home, such as a living room, bedroom, or study.
Create a memorial shelf or table: Dedicate a space to photographs, mementos, and the urn. This creates a focal point for remembrance.
Divide the ashes: Keep a portion of the ashes at home and scatter the remainder in a meaningful location. This allows you to keep a connection while honoring their wishes.
Plant a memorial tree or shrub: Incorporate a portion of the ashes into the soil when planting a tree or shrub in your garden. This creates a living memorial that will grow and flourish over time.
Turn ashes into jewelry or art: Many artisans specialize in creating jewelry or artwork using cremated remains. This provides a unique and personal way to keep your loved one close.
Create a Diamond: Some companies create diamonds from cremated remains.

Storing Ashes at Home: Practical Considerations

While Can I keep the ashes of a loved one at home? is answered affirmatively, there are practical considerations for storing them:

Choose a suitable urn: Select an urn that is durable, secure, and aesthetically pleasing. Ensure it is appropriately sized to hold the entire amount of ashes. Many materials are available including wood, ceramic, metal, and biodegradable options.
Protect the urn: Consider placing the urn in a protective case or on a stable surface to prevent accidental damage.
Handle with care: Treat the ashes with respect and dignity.
Consider a location that is free from moisture and extreme temperatures: Protect the ashes from elements that could damage the urn or its contents.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

While grieving, it is easy to overlook details that could create problems. Here are a few mistakes to avoid when keeping ashes at home:

Neglecting Legal Requirements (though rare): Research local laws to ensure compliance.
Choosing an unsuitable urn: Select an urn that is durable, secure, and aesthetically pleasing, and adequately sized.
Failing to properly seal the urn: Ensure the urn is properly sealed to prevent accidental spills or damage.
Ignoring the wishes of the deceased: If the deceased expressed specific wishes regarding their ashes, make every effort to honor them.
Not discussing the decision with family members: Open communication with family members can help to avoid misunderstandings and ensure that everyone is comfortable with the arrangement.

Deciding What is Best for You

The decision of whether or not to keep the ashes of a loved one at home is a personal one. There is no right or wrong answer. It is important to consider your own needs, beliefs, and circumstances. If you are unsure, talk to a grief counselor or trusted friend or family member.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I keep the ashes of a loved one at home and still scatter some of them?

Yes, absolutely. Many families choose to keep a portion of the ashes in an urn at home and scatter the remainder in a meaningful location. This allows for a tangible connection while also honoring the deceased’s wishes or celebrating their life in a special way. Just make sure scattering is legal in your chosen location.

What if I move? Can I easily transport the ashes?

Yes, transporting cremated remains is generally straightforward. When moving locally, you can simply pack the urn securely. For longer distances or across state lines, it’s advisable to carry the ashes with you rather than shipping them. When flying, contact the airline in advance to understand their specific regulations regarding cremated remains. You may need to present a death certificate and cremation certificate.

Are there any specific types of urns I should avoid?

While personal preference plays a significant role, avoid urns made from fragile materials that could easily break. Also, ensure the urn is appropriately sized to hold all the ashes. If you plan to scatter some of the ashes later, you might consider an urn with a removable lid or a separate container for a portion of the ashes. Biodegradable urns are not ideal for long-term indoor storage.

What if I change my mind later? Can I inter the ashes after keeping them at home for a while?

Yes, you can absolutely change your mind. Keeping ashes at home provides flexibility. You can decide to inter them in a cemetery, columbarium, or other appropriate location at any time. You’ll need to coordinate with the cemetery or columbarium regarding their specific requirements.

What if I have pets or children? Are there any special precautions I should take?

Yes, it’s important to take precautions to protect the ashes and prevent accidental spills or damage, especially if you have pets or small children. Choose a secure location for the urn, such as a high shelf or a locked cabinet. You may also want to consider using a protective case to further safeguard the urn. Teach children to respect the urn as a memorial to their loved one.

Is there any religious guidance on whether Can I keep the ashes of a loved one at home?

Religious views on cremation and the keeping of ashes vary. Some religions, such as Catholicism, have traditionally preferred burial but now permit cremation under certain circumstances. Other religions, such as Hinduism, actively encourage cremation. It’s best to consult with your religious leader for specific guidance based on your faith.

What do I do with the ashes if I’m downsizing or moving into a smaller home?

Downsizing requires careful consideration. You can still keep the ashes with you in your new home, perhaps finding a more compact urn or a different way to memorialize them. You could also consider sharing a portion of the ashes with other family members or scattering them in a meaningful location. Communicate your plans with family members and honor the deceased’s wishes.

Can I incorporate the ashes into a living memorial, such as a plant or tree?

Yes, you can. There are companies that provide specialized soil additives that can be mixed with a small amount of the ashes before planting. This creates a living memorial and allows you to keep the memory of your loved one alive in a beautiful and natural way. Be sure the plant/tree is appropriate for your climate and location.

What if I am not comfortable keeping all the ashes at home?

It’s perfectly acceptable to only keep a portion of the ashes at home. You can divide them among family members, scatter some in a meaningful location, or inter the remainder. The key is to find an arrangement that feels comfortable and respectful for you.

Are there any tax implications related to keeping or scattering ashes?

Typically, there are no tax implications related to keeping or scattering ashes. However, if you establish a trust or other financial instrument to care for a memorial site or other memorialization efforts, there may be tax implications depending on the specifics of the arrangement. Consult a tax professional for guidance.

What is the best way to clean an urn?

The best way to clean an urn depends on the material it’s made from. For most urns, a soft, dry cloth is sufficient to remove dust. For more stubborn stains, you can use a slightly damp cloth with mild soap and water. Avoid using abrasive cleaners, which can damage the finish. Always test any cleaning solution in an inconspicuous area first.

Where Can I keep the ashes of a loved one at home? What is a good location?

There is no single best place, it’s a personal decision. Some common locations include:

Living room
Bedroom
Study or home office
A dedicated memorial shelf or table
Garden (incorporated into a memorial planting)